Beneath the skin.

What really lies beneath?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately as I've been trying to kickstart my training.

Am I a runner with layers of procrastination and self loathing and corporal excess? Or am I just someone who wanted to fit in and painted my skin with the bleached complexion of a triathlete? Perhaps I am something else? Some atavistic nuance that I missed along the way. A philatelist? A humanist? A unicycling xenophobe on two wheels? Whatever it is, it was never stamped on me.

So I have wandered, sometimes aimlessly, trying to find my place. Focusing energy on what is important, family and all the emotional, materialistic and intrinsic intricacies integral to maintaining that organism's health. For a while this was contrary to the health of my organism.

Starting to move. Swimming, biking and running changed that. I could do both. In so doing, I found a third dimension and a spiritual calmness that may only be experienced by an endurance athlete or someone in forced isolation - both of which amount to basically the same thing.

Yesterday was the first day of winter. Things are frozen. Excesses of the past can be covered and forgotten for months, be it by the metaphor of pristine snow, or by the equally concealing layering of winter clothing.

But instead of covering, I must scrape down. Past the ice and the cold and the procrastinating excuses I must find what really can emerge from this body of flesh, bone, muscle, fat and most of all, infinitely limited time.

What lies beneath is potential. The challenge will not be swim 4k or bike 180 or run 42, but to remove the layers without breaking the core - or the spirit.

The real race will be to cross every finish line with a little more in me than what I started with.